Hair and Men

Two of my favourite things. Well, not all the time. Let’s start with the simpler, less complicated one, hair. When it comes to the ‘Fro, especially the styling, it’s a bit tricky. There are a lot of resourceful sites but as black women, our hair isn’t the same, similar but not entirely the same. You get the curlier afros, the kinky afro, the straighter afros, the afros with a lot of volume but not so much hair and the afros with a lot of volume and a lot of hair too. It’s a variety. So sometimes styling differs because of texture. Now for me, I had the kinkier afro. And I say “had” because I grew tired of the lifestyle after a year or two and went back to my comfort zone, relaxed hair. Anyway, after cut my hair I absolutely fell in love with it. And so did everyone around me. And in my circle, when any female cuts her hair it’s a big deal. The saying “when a woman cuts her hair, she’s about to change her life” means everything to us. So the excitement was awe-inspiring. The snip happened and I was ready for my change and the change came alright. The change being hair fetishism.


The beauty about men is their ability to not know what they want but know exactly what they don’t want. Complicated. When it comes to natural hair there are 3 categories for males species, you’ll find the ones who hate natural hair and find it “distracting” or “icky”, the ones willing to consider it but you can spot the uncertainty in their face a mile away and the ones who outright love it and think the world of women with “the natural look’.  And the minute I went under the knife they scattered into the different categories like bees. Weirdly enough, the majority of the men who found me “interesting” were white men. Oh, and they made it known. The fascination was relatively new to me, that someone would simply and only find me attractive because of my hair and how “natural” it is. In a way it took me back to the movie “Something New” where the white guy (played by Simon Baker) is a attracted the black girl (played by Sanaa Lathan) and only because she’s JUST gone natural. We notice this because prior to her hair cut and growing it naturally, he wasn’t so drawn to her. Now, don’t get me wrong this new interest had me at the edge of my seat, I wanted to see what else I could do with this new change, or who else. More than anything, I wanted to know ‘why?’.


image by: @hlengiwe_lesedi)

Until I stumbled upon one of Amandla Stenberg’s posts on Instagram saying, “black features are beautiful, not black women” and I realised how a black woman is fetishized because of her features. The full lips, curves, dark skin and hair are all found super attractive but not on a black woman. Meaning some men simply want to date a black girl for the “experience”. But that’s not always the case, author and relationship expert Lisa Michelle from Naturally Curvy says “it takes a certain amount of confidence to rock the natural look, and your inner beauty can be exuded through your hair, it may be undeniable to the opposite sex.” So for those white men drawn to black women, our character immediately comes across as genuine and not so superficial because our hair is natural. The ability to be just yourself, stripped away of the artificial enhancements like weaves and braids, oozes through our hair.


So if you also plan on going under the knife and experience a new found interest, be weary of who you let into your natural and organic new circle.



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